APRIL 3, 2010
The day began with rain and gloom. Sensing the urgency to change fate, I, Gerbil Stuffer, quickly sacrificed several Lienekugels to appease the Hash Gods. "G" must have been listening, for the clouds quickly parted and Mr. Sunshine tried frantically to reduce my muckity mush to tolerable shiggy.
Three hounds from afar answered the e-Horn and found the start. Captain CaCa and his faithful mate Maggie who hail from the Madison Hash and the ever lovely and vivacious, White Ass from those wascally wabbits at the Wankersha Hash. These three die hards also managed to stay sober enough to join us for an ON-ON-ON at Buffalo Wild Wings after - but that....is a different story.
Two virgins wandered into the pack this day. NFN Patti who had been hitting a bong or was asking for a bong. No wait, I remember, she was from someplace over by Bong. Her spirit was definitely not in keeping with those who frequent the bong...unless it was filled with CRACK. As reported by her fellow hounds, she was a harriet possessed as she ran down all the false trails before any of the FRBs could even get to the check. Our other virgin, NFN Dawn was equally charged with spirit. Despite her pre-start jitters fearing she woudn't run fast enough, I think she quickly found out that we really don't do this for the running. Her hubby even made an appearance at the end and gosh darn it, I was in the middle of giving him a down-down but it seems to me Oral Fixation distracted me again.
Oral Fixation, being our steadfast supporter who never misses a run, received the Hashit award. Apparently he uttered words on trail that Hairy Eye Cum had never heard on trail before - "Hi Mom". I guess his dear old mum called her sweet lil sonny during the run. He received it in proper fashion ON HIS KNEES!
Hairy Eye Cum made his appearance...again, no Hashit with him. He's only had it for a blooming year. He said it was laying on his couch at home. Hmmm, maybe we should just let him keep it...
Crash Potato made her old man Palm Palm stay home with the youngin so she could go out for some debauchery...oh, and did we have some debauchery, mercy! Sadly, she announced they may be moving but she VOWED she would set a trail before she leaves. Ah, May is open, hint, hint.
Trail left the school headed north with multiple checks, mud, briars and train tracks. I swear it didn't look as far from the truck, but the beer stop was 3.5 miles from the start - oops, my bad. When I got to the stop, I filled the small cooler with beer, slung it over my shoulder, and sent the Beer Bitch, the delicious Mrs - Margaret Snatcher back to the place I had her stash a bag of flour. I then found a crevice in the giant dirt mound the trail went up and proceeded to enjoy a libation as I awaited the pack. It was only about 15 minutes before they made their appearance in the field approaching my little spot out of the gale force winds. I quickly called Margaret Snatcher and told her to come back to the beer stop, they were already past the place I had sent her. As I sipped my beer walking down the mound of dirt in the construction site clearly marked "NO TRESPASSING", one of Kenosha's finest pulled his squad in where the beer truck was headed. Again, whipping out my trusty phone, I called Maggie and gave her the ABORT command. She suggested I go behind Lowes. BRILLIANT! So I laid a big arrow negating the trail that led to the back of Johnny Laws rig and proceeded through some awesome shiggy. In the midst of this I deposited the cooler to have an official beer stop, I then trekked on to a spot that seemed to have been made for me. In the middle of this 200 yd 10 ft high wood fence a panel had been blown off allowing us to pass easily into the back road behind Lowes. Here was the new end. Trail was now 3.76 miles and I didn't want to scare our virgins and visitors away.
Circle went off without a hitch. The special eggs found on trail were opened and the following activities ensued:
You were bit by a rabid rabbit, go see the DR. Dr. McGillicuddy that is. SHOT
If the trail didn't kill you the Tequila will, Sauza good to me! SHOT
The circle is losing merriment, lead us in a song. SING
We need more religion, read from the book of Scriptures. A READING
DOWN DOWN to YOU
and many more....
Hope to see you all on the next trail.
ON ON,
Gerbil Stuffer